Methinks the worst is over with the flu. Right nostril still itchy, but why should you, the reader, care? ;)
When I was in hghschool, I had this certainty dawn on me that by 30 I will be married, and by 35 I will be at the height of my life. The first 'certainty' came true, I'm sure by no little part thanks to a sub-concious urge and just plain destiny. The latter is more tricky.
For one thing, I never gave much thought to what my teenage 'premonition' meant by 'height of my life'. Did that refer to my career? My married life? My family life? Maybe it meant by 35 I'll be halfway through my life. Maybe it meant by 35 I'd have found that which I've always sought sub-conciously - a happy life with the perfect man for me, with no stress, no headaches. Just happy and contented.
Or did it mean that by 35 I'd have written that bestseller and have more money I ever dreamed of? (not likely at the rate I'm going with my writing). Or maybe it meant that by 35 I'd have figured out me and will then be able to move on with my writing and with my life with less hang ups, less baggage. Perhaps it meant that by 35 I'd be more centered and know where I want to head and what I wish to do. Strange that I've stopped writing for the last month. I don't know why. I just know I need to do it. Maybe all this while I've been pushing myself (again, sub-conciously) so hard that I've finally had enough of that shit and pulled all brakes on it.
I don't want to do it because I feel I have to do it. I want to do it because I feel I want to do it.
Got it?
This book I've been reading 'Healing The Child Within' gave me some rpetty interesting dreams and I know something is changing in my head, the way I see things, the way I react to people and the way I treat myself. Something almost imperceptible is slowly ticking over in my head and, hopefully, will make me better, make me whole once again. Maybe at 35, I'm meant to re-discover myself, wipe my life's slate clean and start over.
That would be nice. :)
When I was in hghschool, I had this certainty dawn on me that by 30 I will be married, and by 35 I will be at the height of my life. The first 'certainty' came true, I'm sure by no little part thanks to a sub-concious urge and just plain destiny. The latter is more tricky.
For one thing, I never gave much thought to what my teenage 'premonition' meant by 'height of my life'. Did that refer to my career? My married life? My family life? Maybe it meant by 35 I'll be halfway through my life. Maybe it meant by 35 I'd have found that which I've always sought sub-conciously - a happy life with the perfect man for me, with no stress, no headaches. Just happy and contented.
Or did it mean that by 35 I'd have written that bestseller and have more money I ever dreamed of? (not likely at the rate I'm going with my writing). Or maybe it meant that by 35 I'd have figured out me and will then be able to move on with my writing and with my life with less hang ups, less baggage. Perhaps it meant that by 35 I'd be more centered and know where I want to head and what I wish to do. Strange that I've stopped writing for the last month. I don't know why. I just know I need to do it. Maybe all this while I've been pushing myself (again, sub-conciously) so hard that I've finally had enough of that shit and pulled all brakes on it.
I don't want to do it because I feel I have to do it. I want to do it because I feel I want to do it.
Got it?
This book I've been reading 'Healing The Child Within' gave me some rpetty interesting dreams and I know something is changing in my head, the way I see things, the way I react to people and the way I treat myself. Something almost imperceptible is slowly ticking over in my head and, hopefully, will make me better, make me whole once again. Maybe at 35, I'm meant to re-discover myself, wipe my life's slate clean and start over.
That would be nice. :)
Comments