Freelance It Is

So freelance it is then. I'm in process of registering a sole proprietorship company to do my freelance work. I don't need to register a company to do that, it just makes it a little bit more official.

So no more fiddling with the online jobs website. Err... yeah I'm certain. Almost. Gimme a minute here...

Do I really awnt to do this. Instead of applying for a mindless, yet regularly paid writing job somewhere? I'm 35. It might get harder for me to apply for jobs later. They want fresh blood. 36 isn't fresh blood. 36 is considered stale. Old. Outdated. Out of touch. Do I really want to do this? But then again, writing is one of those professions in which the older you get the 'more experienced' employers think you are.

Gawd, a fork in the road and I've no idea which path to take. I'd rely on my gut instincts, except that I have none. Should I ask the Tarot card? Find out from my astrological stars? Pray for inspiration?

I just realised something. I don't feel lost and empty all the time. Therefore, I'm not depressed. The only time I feel lost or empty is when I am alone at home, without any deadline or online freelance job to do. It's when I'm alone at home, on my own, with nothing to do - THAT'S when I feel lost and empty.

I can't seem to make myself WANT to get on with my writing aspirations. In fact, I don't think I have much writing aspiration at this point in time. I had new year resolutions, among which was to complete my NaNoWriMo novel and start working on my collection of short stories or the collaborative novel with my husband. But somewhere between 1st January and now, those aspirations fell between the cracks of life, forgotten. So I find myself alone at home, feeling lost and empty.

Of course you would wouldn't you? Daft cow. If you've nowhere to go, like any bored teenager, you feel unhappy and unfulfilled. I've never felt more alive and thriving than when I was studying for my high school finals. That's because at that point in time, I had a clear goal, a crystal cut objective, a purpose.

Now I'm stalled in neutral.

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