Sunday morning. Than God it's sunny cuz I feel like taking a walk outside and air out the cobwebs that's been gathering in the corners of my mind. Some clear, fresh air and get the circulation going, that's what I need. Something different. Some change.
It's unsettling being in the 'in-between', with no proper cut off point, no obvious decisions taken. And you're left waiting for others to make a move, take a final decision. Maybe I see the world as black or white. Yes or no. Maybe I'm more reckless in that I would rather make the decision, one way or the other, regardless of the consequences. Maybe I'm more of a risk-taker than I thought I was. Maybe I'm just less patient, less tolerant of inertia. Or maybe I just have less responsibility to worry about, more 'que sera sera', like a little ditzy, day-dreaming child of a woman - like Marilyn in 'The Prince and the Showgirl'. Strange, for someone who believes in sensibility.
Contradiction has always been there. I've always thought of myself as someone who always sits on the fence about most things in life, but I detest indecision in others. I adore quiet moments spent at home alone, yet I am in dismay when I'm left at home by myself. I hate large, noisy, waddling crowds, yet I thrive in the vibe of a busy venue. I worry about what others might think of me, yet when it comes to the most important things in life, I couldn't give a toss what others think. I miss the certainty of settling down and growing your roots somewhere, yet I twitch nervously at the apparent finality of it. I often find life pointing this out to me plain and clear, like it was a joke of some sort. They don't bother me much, these contradictions, but at times, they do make me feel a little like a hypocrite. But perhaps this is what I need to understand. Perhaps this will make me more tolerant of how other people make their decisions.
I've always thought of myself as someone who is not a risk-taker, yet I've taken risks in life that others would raise their eyebrows at. To me, at that point of decision, these risks were no risks at all, they were simply necessary. They were all no-brainers. Sometimes, what seems to be great risks close up, are actually quite small risks when you step back and take in the bigger picture... when you put some perspective into what life means to you, what happiness means to you, what the future means to you. Although, when I think of it, the biggest risks I've ever taken in life had been driven more by the heart and gut rather than the head. Sometimes this lands me into trouble. But most of the time, they've turned out alright.
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Change is inevitable. It's the only thing in life you can count on. It comes, sometimes, when you least expect it. Man build castles and empires as a 'lasting legacy', but in the greater scheme of things these castles and empires are but dots in life's timeline. Step back, see the bigger picture, and you'll see that castles and empires matter not the least. There is a different thread that is everlasting, that continues long after the things we've created turn to dust.
I believe everything happens for a reason, but sometimes we may not be able to decipher what the true reason is. Patience and perseverance is called for at times of uncertainty. You can only make so many decisions and take so many actions to prepare for the inevitability of change. The rest if up to fate.
It's unsettling being in the 'in-between', with no proper cut off point, no obvious decisions taken. And you're left waiting for others to make a move, take a final decision. Maybe I see the world as black or white. Yes or no. Maybe I'm more reckless in that I would rather make the decision, one way or the other, regardless of the consequences. Maybe I'm more of a risk-taker than I thought I was. Maybe I'm just less patient, less tolerant of inertia. Or maybe I just have less responsibility to worry about, more 'que sera sera', like a little ditzy, day-dreaming child of a woman - like Marilyn in 'The Prince and the Showgirl'. Strange, for someone who believes in sensibility.
Contradiction has always been there. I've always thought of myself as someone who always sits on the fence about most things in life, but I detest indecision in others. I adore quiet moments spent at home alone, yet I am in dismay when I'm left at home by myself. I hate large, noisy, waddling crowds, yet I thrive in the vibe of a busy venue. I worry about what others might think of me, yet when it comes to the most important things in life, I couldn't give a toss what others think. I miss the certainty of settling down and growing your roots somewhere, yet I twitch nervously at the apparent finality of it. I often find life pointing this out to me plain and clear, like it was a joke of some sort. They don't bother me much, these contradictions, but at times, they do make me feel a little like a hypocrite. But perhaps this is what I need to understand. Perhaps this will make me more tolerant of how other people make their decisions. 
I've always thought of myself as someone who is not a risk-taker, yet I've taken risks in life that others would raise their eyebrows at. To me, at that point of decision, these risks were no risks at all, they were simply necessary. They were all no-brainers. Sometimes, what seems to be great risks close up, are actually quite small risks when you step back and take in the bigger picture... when you put some perspective into what life means to you, what happiness means to you, what the future means to you. Although, when I think of it, the biggest risks I've ever taken in life had been driven more by the heart and gut rather than the head. Sometimes this lands me into trouble. But most of the time, they've turned out alright. +of+6April2009+099.jpg)
Change is inevitable. It's the only thing in life you can count on. It comes, sometimes, when you least expect it. Man build castles and empires as a 'lasting legacy', but in the greater scheme of things these castles and empires are but dots in life's timeline. Step back, see the bigger picture, and you'll see that castles and empires matter not the least. There is a different thread that is everlasting, that continues long after the things we've created turn to dust. I believe everything happens for a reason, but sometimes we may not be able to decipher what the true reason is. Patience and perseverance is called for at times of uncertainty. You can only make so many decisions and take so many actions to prepare for the inevitability of change. The rest if up to fate.
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