Whilst I don't always consciously intend the things I do, the goals I make, the things I endure, I did for God (as what is urged by Muslims), I'd like to believe that my intentions are good. But this is not the case. More often than not, all my intentions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs and goals are marred by these:
1) False beliefs
2) Misunderstandings
3) Ignorance
4) Bias
Just to name a few.
The Devil is not some gruesome ugly monster crouched in the corner of the room, looking menacingly at me. The devil are the thoughts and whispers in my heart, the subtle and sudden urges that kick me off track. The devil introduces ideas in my head that leads me to arrogant, to self-righteousness, to being judgemental, impatient and giving up faith ad hope with others. It is not easy to look deep into our souls, to objectively study our minds and the way it works, so as to be able to realise this and accept that our knowledge - vast as we may like to believe it to be - is actually quite lacking. Age does not automatically confer wisdom or knowledge.
So when take that first step on the road of spirituality towards that unknown that Created us, it is imperative that we try our best to to do so without any of those things listed above. Easier said than done. Imagine being in a place that has absolutely no mirror or anything else that can show us our reflection. If we can't see a reflection of ourselves, it's difficult to see any flaws in our hair or our makeup or if we have any blemishes on our skin. The smaller with all the flaws listed above, it's difficult for us to discern them or see them.
But there is one thing that I am beginning to suspect holds much truth. In our path to seek the Creator, to 'know' the Creator, to establish a 'relationship' and communication with the Creator, we MUST be, first and foremost, SINCERE. I used to have this False belief that I was a good, honest, kind and spiritual person. Growing up, I've always believed myself to be a 'good girl'. So, naturally, I then came to belief that if I seek to be close to the Creator, then surely this will come easily.
BOY was I just downright WRONG.
The very fact that I believed (back then) that I was a 'good girl' was my own biased perception of my Self. My mind has this knack of hiding my flaws from myself. I don't know where this came from, this knack. And perhaps this is true of most people.
How did I realise this self-perception is wrong? Through life experience basically. See, when you find that certain things keep happening to you over and over again, PAY ATTENTION. That is Life's way of showing you a Truth about yourself. You need to figure out what that Truth is. Or at least, you should start by figuring out what the 'lie' is that you are holding on to in your mind.
I'll be the first to admit this is not easy. It takes patience, self-reflection, a careful examination of your perception of what happened and the courage to question the validity of that perception. It takes the willingness to admit that perhaps, JUST MAYBE, you might be wrong (or you might be the one in the wrong). This is hard to do, but it gets easier with time, easier the more often you do it.
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